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4,294 miles

I miss his laugh. That, probably more than anything, seems to define Sam for me right now. When he gets started he doesn’t stop. There is nothing ‘knowing’ about it, nothing ironic or post-modern, not even any innocence. It simply is. Blessedly free of self-knowledge. I admit I could be fooling myself, could be investing in his laugh more than it warrants, and indulging in weepy nostalgia. But, you know what? I don’t give a damn anymore. To accusations of wallowing I say, so? Your point?

Yes, I am happy that he’s happy over there far away over the seas 4,294 miles from home…. I still think Sonja and Paul made the right choice. And I’m still wallowing.

This morning it was this picture that tore at my heart. A simple one, taken on the morning of a trip with me to the Natural History museum (celebrated in the first picture book we made for him in Croatia): he’s in his pajamas, curled around his juice bottle, legs up, toes spread, looking curious/mesmerized at whatever Grandma is doing/reading. His whole body demonstrates the openness of that curiousity. It’s a photograph that demonstrates, for me, the freshness of the boy’s brain. Unless we’re Buddhist monks who have meditated for decades, we adults are unable to look at anything fresh. There are too many associations that have been built up over the years in our brains. It’s probably one of the reasons that those of us who would like to look at things fresh, new, and really see them as such, are so attracted to kids like Sam. I’m both envious, and awed.



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Enough of this. In Croatia, Sam is helping to get his new apartment ready, as you can see in the photo above (“oh my god, is it lead paint he’s sanding??” worries his grandmother). The apartment is in the oldest part of Zagreb, and I can testify to its beauty, and to its celebration of history: here’s a case where layers of associations built up over hundreds of years, bring a warmth and depth that are the polar opposite of the ‘freshness’ I mentioned above, but equally awe-inspiring. I’m going to ask Paul for more pictures of his neighborhood, but until then, this one taken outside their apartment building gives a good sense of that depth.

Paul writes:

We have started to get the new place into shape! Sam and I go there in the mornings and Sonja meets us for lunch. It's a little cold in there right now as the heat is off until we move in. As you can see from the pics young Samwise is very helpful...

Things are moving on as we try to get accustomed to the new life. I never really experienced the twos quite like this. I suppose it's just about time spent with Sam, more time = more twos...

Sonja is very busy and I'm struggling a bit with the change of pace…

Sam went to bed at a reasonable time last night for the first time! We'll see if it can stick.

The womens world championships of downhill skiing start tomorrow in the
mountains above Zagreb and on a big screen in Jelacic square...

More to come...

Grandma and Grandpa wish we were there.

...





THE MOVE

Everything had to be in the shipping container by 10 a.m. The container arrived on the back of the flatbed at 8:00 and with the help of our neighbor Josh, and our new neighbor Michael, who will be subletting Paul and Sonja's apartment, we just made it. Sam did well. He followed his bed, drink cup in hand, down the elevator, into the lobby, and into the container.

One of the first to go down was the dragon, wrapped in its protective saran wrap. We carried it out the front of 100 Arden, and perched it in pride of place.

Here is a photo of the desk going out the door. Inside, unbeknownst to Paul and Sonja, were their passports. Which led to much madness over the following six days... Attempts to reach the container before it headed out to sea (failed), trying to get new passports on New Years Eve (failed), exchange their plane tickets (failed), and, well you get the idea.

All in all an exciting move. In some ways it was good for Mary and I: we were so anxious for them to get on the plane safe and sound and with passports in hand that we forgot until they were flying over the Atlantic how bereft we were. It also gave us an extra few days with them.



(love that ipod...click to enlarge)

I've mentioned the Eve Sussman video,'89 Seconds at Alcazar', and it's re-enactment of the Velasquez painting Las Meninas. As you may remember, Sam went up to the screen to pet the dog in the lower lefthand corner. I forgot that I took a picture of that moment, first with flash (you can't see the video image, but you can see Sam's size in relation to the screen). I then took a photo without flash, and you should be able to make out the image on the screen, and just barely Sam's head near the dog. We went back to see it again yesterday, and brought John with us. I learned the following: Las Meninas was radical for more reasons than I knew. It was the first snapshot; the first painting to capture a split second in time, predating photography by a helluva long time. And he makes the observer (you) invisible, by placing you directly between the painter and the couple whose portrait he's painting (you can see the couple "behind" you in a mirror across the room). John had a cinema studies professor lecture on the comparison with film technique, and the concept of the 'sutured' viewer. I find the thought of me being sutured into the visual space rather intriguing. And after 15 viewings of the video piece, I didn't get any of that. Very cool.

When we took Sam to the new MOMA, he liked the size of some of the rooms, and the opportunity to run (not that common an experience in museums). There were dangers of course. Here he is just seconds away from going behind this large metal wall sculpture (I've forgotten the artist's name) and whacking his head against one of the sharp edges. He survived. So did the sculpture. And fortunately the guard was looking the other way.

Sam is quite proud to be able to recognize a Gauguin, and Van Gogh. He spent a long time looking at Starry Night (one of my least favorite pictures; probably just my curmudgeonly distaste of tourist landmarks), and was happy to sleep in peace amidst some lovely Matisse.

And finally, a new picture book being sent to Sam in Croatia:

SAM AT GRANDPA AND GRANDMA'S HOUSE

Whenever I go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house, they are always happy to see me. Grandpa says “"Hi Sam!"

There is a big room in Grandpa and Grandma’s house where I like to play. Once I had my train tracks ALL OVER. (can you see all my other toys?)

I like to sit on Grandpa’s exercise machine.

Sometimes he helps me ride it !!!

One day Mark let Grandpa and me ride on his skateboard. Wheeeee...

I also like to sit on my little red chair and blow bubbles with Grandma
(and sometimes the bubble juice spills on my pants)

Sometimes I read with Grandpa on the steps near my little table (and near my puppet theater, with my Yellow Submarine Beatle figures)

And Grandpa and I snuggle on the couch and he lets me play his guitar.

I like to make music with Grandma

Uncle John is a very good musician and we have lots of fun when he comes to visit at Grandma and Grandpa’s house.

Grandpa and I like to play on the computer together. What are we looking at????

HOMESTAR RUNNER!!!!!!

Grandma and I read books whenever we can.

And wherever we can. Even at the table where we eat our dinner.

I love it when everyone eats dinner together.

After dinner, I help put away the laundry in the bedroom. Grandma says I am a big help.

And she says that I make it so much fun for her.

Sometimes I take a bath in Grandpa and Grandma’s big bathtub.

And sometimes I take a nap in Grandpa and Grandma’s big bed.

I like Grandpa and Grandma’s house in New York, and I will have fun when I go there again.

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THE DISTANCE IS GREAT AND THE WAVES ARE (MOSTLY) QUIET

We've had some brief moments of contact, with borrowed brief internet access and a cell phone. I was fortunate to be able to speak with Sam on the phone today. He told me "Daddy lost his teeth." Sam sounded good, sounded like he was settling in, sounded very far away. I hear there's a nice playground, with a special water spout that Sam discovered and claimed as his own (The itsy bitsy spider type of water spout/drain pipe).

Sonja is happy so far with her job at NAVA. If you haven't done so, check out the photos of Sam in various yoga poses on their site here, click on 'english' then scroll down and click on "Photo Galleries". Sam is on the upper right...

ENGLAND HAD SOME UNEXPECTED PLEASURES


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Sam had the privilege of spending time with some Uncles and Aunts: Ryan, Louie, and Jodie. Paul managed to e-mail the photo of the visit, which I do believe was their introduction to Sam, and verse vice-a. But unfortunately the photo does not include what was, apparently, a great thrill for Sam: their gerbils.

Ah, memories of the Mouse House.

During Paul's magical mystery tour of countries and embassies that might help him regain his lost identity, and provide a genuine passport, the family made a stop in Liverpool. And like good tourists, they made a pilgrimage to The Cavern. Considering that Imagine is Mom's favorite song of all time, and that Grandpa has always been mad for the pre-Imagine John Lennon, and that his favorite Christmas presents were the Yellow Submarine Beatles given to him by his Uncle John and Aunt Desiree, Sam had no choice but to revel in that shrine to great music.

Wish I could have taken him to see the Beatles in their Cavern days, but since I didn't land in England until '65, at age 15, and Sam would have been even younger than that, and thus perhaps unable to appreciate what he was hearing, history is all he's gonna get. At least Sam still has the music. [historical note regarding the photo at the top of this post: damn, couldn't they have made a statue of John Lennon that actually looked like him? Truly bizarre. He's wearing his 1963 clothes, has his 1966 haircut, and looks as much like him as I do.]



By the way, if during his continental rambles he runs into any of you with cameras and internet access: send them to me at kvanatta2000@yahoo.com.

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GONE BUT NOT....



(my current desktop photo; click to enlarge)

I’ll admit. Friday was hard, very hard. Memories of glorious days, overwhelmed by selfish mourning. Ah well. All are safe in Zagreb, the temperature there is in the 50’s and sunny, the giant Christmas tree is still standing tall in the main square, the carousel still exists for Sam to ride (according to Mom, it was one of his first stops), and the city is as beautiful as he remembers it.

The Brits gave them a warm welcome, and wined and dined Sam as though he was royalty (look forward to seeing some pics). And with only a few further disasters (Paul breaks tooth, Paul misses train, luggage madness…) they completed their journey.

Now that they have safely arrived, we can start to see the humor in the whole losing-passports episode. My favorite was our mad attempt to track down the container carrying the desk carrying the passports. Paul called up the shipping company and asked if we could ride down to the port, open up the container, and get the missing passports. The shipping company guy, probably smiling a bit at our naiveté, said to give it a try. So what the hell. We figure there’d be a couple of old guards sitting at the entrance smoking cigarettes and we’d slip them 50 bucks and get our stuff. And anyway, it was practically on the way to the airport. So we’d stop by the Port of New York, pick up the passports, and get to the airport in time for the 11:00 flight.

Well, uh, the Port was big as a city. The ships and the containers about to be loaded onto them were about a mile away from the guardhouses. The guards were polite, but implacable. And not smoking. There was no way in hell they were gonna let folks climb around on the house-sized containers (of which there were probably a thousand) looking for a particular one. No way. We tearfully begged, pleaded, showed all our official papers, looked as non-terrorist as we could.

Looking back, you gotta laugh.

And looking back is just about all I got right now. I’m gonna be doing extra work on Fridays to try and raise Croatia-trip money. We’re hoping to go over in March.

And then of course there’s the big wedding that we have to buckle down and start planning for!

Yesterday Mary and I visited the new MOMA. Sam was fortunate to see it before he left for Croatia. When he fell asleep during that expedition I followed my regular procedures and paid a visit to the video exhibitions: dark rooms for Sam’s sleeping comfort and great art for me to spend time with. MOMA bought the Eve Sussman video, '89 Seconds at Alcazar', that Sam and I liked at the Whitney Biennial last year, and I watched the 12 minute looped-video about 6 times (with pleasure) before Sam woke. I swear he remembered it from last April:

From the April 16th post: …[the video piece] takes on nothing less than Velazquez's Las Meninas. With actors in full costume on a set that reproduces the room in the painting, Sussman imagines the activity…that might have preceded and followed the split-second arrangement of Velazquez's virtual photograph. Well, Sam goes in, walks right up to the screen and, looking at the princess (whose back is to the camera) says, very loudly: "Mama", then a pause, and "BIGGGGGGG." And when the dog came on the screen he announced "Dog" to all the assembled viewers.

At this most recent visit, Sam wakes, climbs out of the carriage, walks right over to the dog and starts petting the screen. And again turns to the assembled viewers and reminds them quite loudly that it is, in fact, a dog on the screen.

So as I introduced Mary to the video yesterday, the room was full of Sam.

But I digress. The plan today was to reminisce, to catch up on some of our adventures that I didn’t have the time to put up on the blog. The photo above is from a visit Sam and I made to the Metropolitan Museum to see a special Andy Goldsworthy exhibit on their roof garden. It was a beautiful September day, and Sam was in a great mood. The Goldsworthy pieces were, as expected, very nice. In this photo you can get a sense of their size and shape; essentially a vertical stack of large stones inside a dome made of pieces of lumber.

They also served ice cream on the roof garden. Lucky Sam.

But what most interested Sam was this rooftop view of a giant crane. To Sam it was Cranky the crane, featured in Thomas the Tank Engine, a favorite of his. To grandpa it was a reminder that good art has you looking at the world with greater care and appreciation, such that the crane, building another high-rise apartment building, nicely reflected the habitation for a pile of stones that Goldsworthy had built. Both happening in the greatest city in the world. Thanks, Sam, for showing me that.

...


He's gone



And we say goodbye.

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(click to enlarge, and forgive the time/date stamp which I have no idea how to get rid of once it's there)

The kids packed up, ran around like crazy, went out the night before, worked all night, slept almost not at all, dragged everything downstairs to the Container (a room-sized metal structure sitting on the back of a tractor-trailer; which had to be filled between 8 and 10 a.m.), sealed the Container and sent it off to be loaded on the ship and have it carried over to Croatia.

Two hours later they discovered that their passports were still in their desk. Which was in the Container. Which was now heading for the ship.

After heroic attempts to track down the container on the docks, they realized they were stuck here at least for the holiday weekend.

For Mary and I it was a bit of a reprieve. We had the pleasure of Sam actually living in our home...

So with luck they'll get out of here tomorrow.

Meanwhile, in trying to figure out how to help Sam remember us, someone recommended making photo books for him. Using small photo albums, with one pic and text on each page, I did up the first one. With Sam still here it was sheer pleasure: Mary had him illustrate each page with his lovely squiggles.

Sam and Grandpa
Visit the
Museum of Natural History
(Illustrated by Sam Smithyman)

One morning
Sam woke up
And said Good Morning to Grandma

Grandpa said
Let’s go to the
Natural History Museum
but first Sam had to change his clothes

Then they both
Went to the Subway station

Sam swiped his
Metro Card through the turnstile

Sam said
“There’s our subway train”

When they got to the Museum
The first thing they saw
Was a HUGE dinosaur
That reached all the way
To the ceiling

Sam looked very small
Next to the HUGE
Dinosaur

In the Display Cabinets
Were lots of different animals
Like this Ostrich

Sam had fun
Sitting on the ledges
Of the Display Cabinets

Sam was wearing
His CBGB’s shirt
And he said
“I’m a Rock Star"

Sam had fun
Rolling his apple juice bottle
Under some of the
Display cabinets
And crawling underneath them
To find the bottle

The Triceratops dinosaur
Looks like it’s
Biting Grandpa’s head!!

He climbed
Lots and lots and lots
Of Stairs

And he told Grandpa
To
“Hold on Tight, Grandpa"

Sam and Grandpa
Then went to the bathroom
So that Sam could change
His diaper

Sam washed
His hands

And used
Lots and lots of
Paper towels
To dry his hands

Then it was
Time for Lunch
PIZZA!!!!!!
(Sam loves pizza)

Ummmmmmm…
Good !!
Sam showed Grandpa
His mouth full of Pizza

After lunch was all done
Sam decided it was
Time for his nap
And he said “I want to sleep in the desert"

When Sam woke up
It was time to visit
Another dinosaur
Up close

His teeth
Were very, very
Sharp

Sam decided
That he wanted to dig
For dinosaur bones
(but first he had to put on safety goggles)

He used many
Different tools to explore,
Like a soft brush to
Wipe away the sand from the
Dinosaur bones

Sam asked Grandpa
To help him
And Grandpa was
Very proud of Sam’s work

After his hard work,
Sam found some drawers
With suprises in them
(here’s a bigggggg spider)

The drawer was too high
For Sam to see inside
So he reached in…..

"Look!"

Soon it was time
To go back to
Grandpa’s house,
So they rode the subway home, and Sam drank his apple juice

When they got back to
Their own subway stop,
Sam discovered that
It was raining,
So he opened his umbrella

Sam walked to his
Apartment building
And stomped around in the puddles
Before going inside

When he finally arrived home
And was in Grandpa’s house,
He started reading books
Even before taking off his jacket

It had been a
Wonderful Day

(and some day Sam and Grandpa will visit the Natural History Museum again)


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